The Lost Art of Connection
Written by Leigh Martinuzzi
Relationships. Love. Human connection. Belongingness. These are essential elements of life and fundamental to the quality of our experience. Without them, we will suffer. They bring us meaning and purpose. They bring us happiness. However, I fear we are losing the art of connection, and I fear this is impacting our relationships and the quality of our life
According to Darwinism theory, humans are adaptable to their environment. To evolve, we adapt. All life does. The purpose – to carry on our genes. To reproduce and have our genes progress to the next generations. Ultimately survive! I like to believe we crave happiness. That deep joy is the primary motivation, however, by design, perhaps it’s not.
Over the previous 500 years, society and the way we live has evolved rapidly. In the last 50 years and more evidently for the last 20 years, how we live our life has transformed and continues to do so at an ever-increasing rate. Although we are fantastic at adapting we are struggling to keep up with the pace in which our environment is changing and how we live.
From the agricultural revolution to the industrial revolution, to the age of data and information, things are no longer as they once were. As we were designed, as we’ve evolved. Are we quick enough to adapt to the new modern world? Much research suggests that we are not.
One of these adaptations is in how we connect with others and find a sense of belongingness. Tech has shaped the way we create our fit and find our meaning. However, I believe it has caused many of us to lose the art of connection. True connection. Face to face. Skin to skin. Human contact. We need to bring it back. Encourage the human spirit and find more time to practice the art of connection.
Where do we start?
The art of connection is found, like anything, with practice. What does that mean? Well, the first good idea would be to go offline. Yes, social media and the digital age has is time and place but if we really wish to get good at connecting with others, we must go out there and get amongst it.
Find a club and network with like-minded people. If you like pizza join a pizza lovers group. If you’re into hiking, find other hikers and climb a few mountains. Digital allows us to find our niche. There is a vast amount of resources, forums, community groups and other platforms that bring like-minded people together online so they can meet up offline.
Participate with your family. Socialise with friends. Learn and explore your passions with others. Avoid the temptation to be use tech or be online to do so unless it’s relevant to the particular group activities. Our mobile phone is a distraction, and it will limit our ability to learn and love the art of connection.
Next, ask questions. The best way to connect with someone and build rapport is to merely ask questions. Find some common ground. What do they like doing? What brings them joy? What is their background? What is their Why?
Questions start conversations. We are great at asking questions online but how good are we at asking questions in person. You will be amazed what conversations may unfold. I learnt long ago that gave me more courage to connect and that was that everyone else is waiting for someone else to go first. So be the first – ask the first question. And then the next one, and the next one until suddenly time flies and conversations flourish.
One final point on the art of connection is to give others your attention. We all want recognition. We want to be acknowledged for who we are and what we do. It follows on from the questions you ask. Once you ask them, stop and listen. People love talking about themselves and if comfortable will open up beyond belief.
We are happy to give our attention to our mobile phones for hours on end. Scrolling mindlessly and attentively through Facebook or watching the latest episode of Gilmour Girls but how much attention to we give each other.
Switch it off, ask questions and then give you attention like nothing else in the world matters. I can assure you that you’ll learn something. Something about them, about life, about yourself and in return people will start giving you attention. Acknowledging you for who you are, and you will notice a great sense of belongingness.
Are we losing the art of connection? It is not so hard to relearn and rediscover. It’s just a matter of following a few simple steps as outlined above. Does this mean we need to change the environment that we, as a society, have created? No! We only need to incorporate good old fashion bonding and connection into the mix. And after all, relationships are essential for the quality of our human existence. Create better ones in connecting on a higher level.
There is no better feeling than the feeling you get when you are truly connecting with others. It will make us thrive.
Further Reading and Resources
TED Talks: Ideas worth spreading
Elite Daily: The Voice of Generation Y
Four Hour Work Week: How to escape the 9-5, live anywhere and join the new rich.
The Minimalists: How to pursue a minimalist lifestyle and be happier.
Mind Hacks: Tips and Tricks for Using Your Brain
Rich Roll: Plantpowered Wellness Advocate
The Art of Charm: Build confidence, feel comfortable and networking differently.
The Art of Manliness: Encouraging men to be better husbands, fathers, brothers, citizens.
Tiny Buddha: Simple wisdom for complex lives.
Mind Body Green: Lifestyle media brand dedicated to inspiring you to live your best life.
Zen Habits: Find simplicity and mindfulness in life.
Creative NonFiction: “true stories well told.”
Barking Up the Wrong Tree: science-based answers and expert insight on how to be awesome at life.
The Positivity Blog: Practical articles on happiness, self-esteem, productivity and social skills.
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