Why Being Vulnerable is Grand- Express Your True Self

“The moment that you feel, just possibly, you are walking down the street naked, exposing too much of your heart and your mind, and what exists on the inside, showing too much of yourself…That is the moment, you might be starting to get it right.” Neil Gaiman

In this episode I share my thoughts on why it is grand to become more vulnerable, express yourself and live more aligned with your authentic self.

vulnerable

“exposed to the possibility of being attached or harmed, either physically or emotionally.”

The Hidden Why began as a blog. I wrote articles that where my thoughts based on experiences and learnings. Many learnings come from other sources however in reflection of my own life, my experiences, I also learn. It is these that I share.

My very first blog was called, “It’s 3am in the morning and feeling anxious.” This was me being very open about some trouble I was experiencing at the time. In particular, I woke up in the middle of the night feeling lost, scared and worried about life. I felt like crying and running from the world. I am human and as a grown man – I do cry! I do feel at times defeated.

To post this blog, even though it doesn’t share my most vulnerable self, still made me feel somewhat vulnerable. I had thoughts of not posting it, but something pushed me to press submit. Now it’s history.

Since this blog I have written many more and also launched my podcast as another place to express my thoughts and my vulnerable self. Most people may be surprised or curious as to why I would share such truths about myself. Believe me there is much I probably still don’t share either because I simply don’t feel the need to or because sharing the truth scares the shit out of me.

Why? I remember a quote that was shared by Tim Ferriss in an early podcast or blog of his that was by Neil Gaiman.

“The moment that you feel, just possibly, you are walking down the street naked, exposing too much of your heart and your mind, and what exists on the inside, showing too much of yourself…That is the moment, you might be starting to get it right.”

In reflection on my own life at that time I realised that for much of it I don’t share my heart and mind. I wasn’t expressing who I am and all the exists within me. I realised that I was afraid of showing and sharing too much of myself. Why was I afraid? I’ll get into that shortly.

What hit me is that this lack of self expression and allowing me to just be me was actually the course for a lot of the suffering that I had in my life. It wasn’t due to externally shit in the world, my wife, family or friends, the job I was working or indeed the boss there. It was because I wasn’t living truly to myself.

“When you feel as though you are walking naked down the street…that is the moment, you may be starting to get it right.”

Just imagine now, stripping naked and wherever you are in the world, going for a 30-minute stroll. The thought might make you laugh, for some you may even be tempted, for most, however actually taking action and proceeding would be very daunting.

Obviously there are some laws around why we shouldn’t do this but the point is that such an activity would leave you very open and vulnerable. Imaging now, today, for what ever you must or will do, just being yourself. Not being someone who you are not. Speaking, thinking, sharing, expressing, acting and behaving in your most natural form.

Many of you probably say you do but you probably just think you do. Do you?

The way you behave around you closet friend, your mother, father, brother or sister. Speaking from experience I know that for many of us we do not be our authentic self on a day-to-day basis. We suit-up, put on masks to cover our truth and go about our life out of need or belief to fit in.

If you were to sit down and find it unbearably uncomfortable you would likely move, finding a more comforting option. In life we seem to become accustomed to living uncomfortably with who we are. The primary issue with being who you are not, is that it’s painful. We create our own suffering when we fight against exposing the true self.

The suffering or pain may be numbed due to years of abuse. Like when we continue to poison ourselves with bad habits the poison becomes less noticeable. Being a heavy drinker at times understand numbness and what it means to become accustomed to discomfort.

My belief is that when we are moving close to being our vulnerable self- sharing who we are and expressing our truth – life becomes more grand. This may take some practice. You need to awaken yourself and become aware of who you are and when you feel inconsistent with what you are doing, how you are behaving, the thoughts that you are sharing you need to remind yourself that its ok to be you.

There is no need to go out in this world today and unleash all your secrets, thoughts and everything that consumes your mind. This type of vulnerability may truly leave you open for attack or ridicule and would be unnecessary.

Share your inner self when asked or when you have the need to. If there is a moment to be open and express what you desire than take that as the opportunity to be yourself. Don’t hide and pretend out of habit- just let go and let it flow.

Being vulnerable is loving who you are and every tiny detail. Being vulnerable is not holding back from being who you are in every tiny detail. Being vulnerable is connecting with your truth.

The fear of being vulnerable is what holds us back from such form. The way we have been raised and educated may be cause for much of why we are who we are. We may have been conditioned to being someone who we really are not just to fit in with society.

The thought of expressing your true inner self may scare us out of fear of being attacked, ridiculed or abandoned. We all fit in with certain tribes or groups and if we act out of accordance we may be rejected from that group. The fear of being alone is not what our survival instincts would wish for us.

Rejection is a major fear. If I say this, if I act like this, if I do that, what will people think, how will they respond? Will I be rejected? Sometimes its safer just to blend in. No one likes rejections.

Fuck all that. I feel I have spent many years of my life being someone that I was not. I call this existence, where you are living incongruently with your true self, life burn. Like the rubbing of two sticks together, you get friction and where there is friction there is heat. I refer to this heat as suffering.

I know that for years the pain, depression and sadness I had felt was simply due to me not living true to myself. It was reason why I needed to start opening up, becoming my true vulnerable me and expressing it outwardly. When I began to do this I noticed subtle yet immediate change.

Happiness is self inflected – as is sorrow. You can experience true happiness when you live towards the truth of yourself. What does that mean? It means to chase what you desire in life. It means to continually improve yourself. It means love yourself and express this truth. It means to walk your path, experience your journey as you wish, and to live this life by your design.

There is no one else in this universe as truly unique as you. When you realise this you will learn that its actually better to reveal this uniqueness than aiming to be like someone else. Benchmarking yourself against others is a method of limitation.

Through research carried out by Bronnie Ware she discovered that the top regret of the dying was, “I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.” In this research alone I am inspired and encouraged to live a life more truthfully to who I am and in the process becoming more vulnerable.

In fear of be rejected by the tribe we often act like someone else. Here is my thought on this. People who like your truth will be attracted to you. People who do not may not desire to make your acquaintance.

As Seneca states, “it is in poverty that you will discover your true allies as those that were there for other reasons, will quickly vanish.”

I only desire to have those around me who appreciate for me and all my uniqueness and care not to attract those that desire me for someone with whom I’m not. It should not upset you if someone does not like you, not everyone will, and that is ok.

What will upset you more is when you continue to try make someone like you by being some who you are not. This takes energy, and this energy can cause pain. Suffering will come about and follow if still that someone you aim to please, remains unpleased. It is the act of doing something with ferocious energy that results in no gain, that has tendency to bring about pain.

In fear of rejection I have come to believe this. Those that reject you may not be worthy of your time or energy any further. Rejection is therefore a signal to assist you to change course.

Rejection is not necessarily out of dislike or hate, although it may be, yet for whatever the case rejection is external to your control. It is how you respond to rejection that should be feared not the rejection itself.

If you aim to control what it is you cannot, you will only again exert and waste energy that will lead to suffering. It is wiser to seek understanding for the rejection and just create awareness before moving on with your life’s plan.

There are many reasons to fear and shy away from being vulnerable, being yourself, yet the greatest fear I know is living my life with regret, a regret that I didn’t live my truth. This comes with certain complexities and challenges in itself.

Fears that seem so far from the present are easier to avoid and accept like the fear of regret when laying in your dying bed. Its hard to conceptualise this as no one knows when this day will come nor can we truly relate if we have never experienced death.

Fears that are closer to the present-now are much easier to comprehend. Like the thought of exposing part of your truth to your friends today that may result in ridicule or being judged. Because we can conceptualise this with great ease our conscious and sub-conscious minds will cause effort to avoid such situation.

If you listen to people that have had a near death experience and been fortunate to live another day, you will often hear stories of awakening to one’s truth. They become more present in life and more determined to live their life as they truly are and wish. This comes about because they can now conceptualise what regret looks and feels like. Not wanting to spend another moment not living in their truth.

If we could only imagine the reality of what it may be like to live for just one more day, how then would we live our day today. Would you act like someone you are not? Would you cover your truth or avoid sharing who you really are? Or would you live the day as your true authentic self, in all its vulnerability?

Integrity is being and acting in congruency with your word. Doing as you say. If what you say is from what you think then your mind and your behaviours will be aligned. This is the point when you will start feeling more alive. Life will be more grand.

Seneca felt that wisdom is, “always desiring the same things and always refusing the same things.” This to me is being integral with yourself. If then wisdom is a living with ultimate integrity than being vulnerable and expressing your true self is truly wise.