Enough!

Written by Leigh Martinuzzi 

Do you have enough?

Are you enough?

Why is enough never enough?

I wonder in the history of the universe if there has ever been anything or anyone that has been genuinely content with life. Fulfilled with everything they need or want. Grateful. Enough!

I feel regardless of who you are, where you live, your circumstance, or the hand you’ve been dealt – that there is always in some aspect of who we are or the life we live a feeling of lacking, a sense of not enough.

I’d consider myself a glass half full kind of guy and yet I know much that causes me angst, unease, and dissatisfaction is due to not being or having enough.

One thing for sure is that I’d love more time. I’d love more love. I’d enjoy greater freedom. I’d like more meaning. I’d love to help more people. I’d love more cash to do more of the things I love – more travel, more creative production, more time with those I love. I’d enjoy more happiness.

Some might consider many of these things as very superficial or unnecessary. In a lot of cases, I’d probably agree. I’d also suggest that I am not alone in feeling this way. I believe that in those areas of life that we don’t feel “enough” is due to an unhealthy obsession with Self. I’ve written and spoken on this topic in many other posts previously.

Whatever the case, a feeling of not enough has severe repercussions for the quality of life we live. It has us in a constant chase, always expecting more and perhaps in living life in this way we miss out on all the beauty and joy of what we have. We forebode the joy of today with either an obsession with what’s next or dissatisfaction with what’s past.

Why do we feel not enough?

Our life, who we are and how we live it, is an accumulation of all past experiences. Our genetics have a role to play and other external factors outside our control – the human design and the life we’ve been given. However, ultimately whatever we feel as lacking in our Self or our lives today is a reflection of what we haven’t achieved thus far and hence the continual and never-ending desire to do, be and have more.

If I reflect quickly on those areas of my life that I feel a not enough, as listed above, I can safely say it’s because I don’t feel I’ve ever reached a satisfactory level. Ungrateful? Maybe! Time, love, freedom, happiness, service to others, travel, meaning. It’s not that I live in a state of scarcity. I believe in abundance. I think all these things are abundant. Perhaps it’s more a case that I don’t feel that I have realised my full potential.

Why? One reason is that we all have a natural tendency to compare. We look around ourselves at others. We make judgements; we form perspectives, we shape our view of how the world is and how our position should look like in this world.

If everything around us is glitz and glamour and then in reflection on our own lives it is not, we begin to sense this lacking. The feeling of “I am not enough” or “I don’t have enough.”

Even if we don’t subscribe to “glitz and glamour” we will always compare ourselves and our lives to the environment we exist within. We pick up on differences that surround us, and if we perceive those variances as somehow being beneficial yet missing, we seek to bring balance to these needs – real or not.

According to an article I read, Ali Miller, a psychotherapist, stated that the feeling of “not enough” is not a feeling at all. Instead, it’s a thought. That is very important in understanding why we sometimes or often feel like there is not enough.

Thought is a cognitive process of the mind to try and make sense of our reality. The feeling is a result of something that is amiss. Usually, it is a biological or physiological need fundamental for our survival. When we feel hungry, it means we need food. If we are tired, we feel sleepy. The thought is then a purposeful process of figuring out how to bring balance to these feelings. Emotion ties into all this, too.

In personal experience, there are so many feelings that arise that we perceive essential. Needs that if not met will somehow give us a disadvantage or less enjoyment. Thoughts continuously occur regarding how we are going to meet these needs.

We are beings whose behaviour is driven by a desire to move towards pleasure and avoid pain. A design to ensure our survival and longevity. I think the feeling of not having or being enough is a result of this pursuit. A constant need to progress and enhance our lives.

If fundamental human needs – food, love, warmth, health – among others, are not meet, we will suffer. For all other requirements, that we perceive essential, if not satisfied we will be neither worse or better off. Only momentarily we may bathe in joy or unease. The pleasure or pain experienced is more often attached to our thought rather than the feeling itself. More mental than physical.

If we are hungry, we eat. We feel satiated. After sleep, we feel rested. Feeling followed by action are overcome. We move forward and do other things. It is only our thinking in which we feel as though we don’t have enough. I think we could all raise our hands as on occasions going back for a second serving after a lovely meal in which we’ve had more than enough.

The feeling of not having or being enough in life is a state of mind.

How do we move beyond not being or having enough? We practice awareness. Seek to understand the mind, and in doing so, we can better direct our thoughts. We can let go of our attachment to our thoughts. We can pause and reflect on the nature of our thinking. And if it is indeed thought of not enough – we can ask Why?

Further Reading and Resources 

TED Talks: Ideas worth spreading

Psychology Today: Psychology Today is devoted exclusively to everybody’s favourite subject – Ourselves

Life Hack: Tips for Life

Elite Daily: The Voice of Generation Y

Four Hour Work Week: How to escape the 9-5, live anywhere and join the new rich.

The Minimalists: How to pursue a minimalist lifestyle and be happier.

Mind Hacks: Tips and Tricks for Using Your Brain

Rich Roll: Plantpowered Wellness Advocate

The Art of Charm: Build confidence, feel comfortable and networking differently.

American Psychological Association: The largest scientific and professional organization of psychologists in the United State

The Art of Manliness: Encouraging men to be better husbands, fathers, brothers, citizens.

Tiny Buddha: Simple wisdom for complex lives.

Brain Pickings: An inventory of cross-disciplinary interestingness, spanning art, science, design, history, philosophy, and more.

Mind Body Green: Lifestyle media brand dedicated to inspiring you to live your best life.

Zen Habits: Find simplicity and mindfulness in life.

Creative NonFiction: “true stories well told.” 

Addicted 2 Success: Motivation & Inspiration Website full of quotes and inspiring articles for entrepreneurs.

Barking Up the Wrong Tree: science-based answers and expert insight on how to be awesome at life.

The Positivity Blog: Practical articles on happiness, self-esteem, productivity and social skills.