Everyone Wants You to Succeed – How to Overcome a Victim Mentality

According to Wikipedia, Victim mentality is an acquired personality trait in which a person tends to recognize themselves as a victim of the negative actions of others, and to behave as if this were the case in the face of clear evidence of such circumstance.

There are a few distinctions that need to be made. Number 1, Victim Mentality is an acquired or developed trait. And number 2, it relies on attribution that is the process in which humans assign causes to their actions and behaviours.

It is further suggested that in the majority of cases people that have a victim mentality have been wrongly done by through no fault of their own. This leads to the creation of a universal victim mentality, those that constantly consider themselves to be a victim despite evidence that may suggests otherwise.

It may only take one event or situation to trigger off the victim mentality spiral. From their based on past evidence we may see ourselves as the victim of future misfortune despite actuality.

We may begin to perceive the facts of situations, events or the actions of others as purposeful and intently inhibiting our lives in some way, shape or form. We feel we are the victim more often than we actually are and this begins to affect what we think, say and do. Such perspectives are harmful to how we truly wish to live our lives.

A victim mentality causes strain on our positivity and optimistic nature as it makes us feel less like we have control over our lives and all aspects within. Control is an essential element to self-motivation and those with high levels of motivation are more likely to chase those things in life that assist to add value to the quality of their lives.

If you wake up daily feeling as thought the outcomes of the day are largely outside your control, thinking that you are simply a salve to the neural activity in your brain and that the happenings of the day are perhaps foretold, how much motivation will you have to do more than what is necessary?

This is the sad reality for many. They go about their lives feeling victim to their circumstance and for such reason believe that any actions on their behalf will be wasted and achieve little or no gain.

The victim mentality aligns closely with what Carol Dweck describes as the fixed mindset. Those individuals that believe their basic qualities, such as intelligence or talent, are fixed. Rather than seeking to change such situation, because it’s outside their control, they exert energy on looking for evidence to support such beliefs.

For anything the mind sees and believe we will seek evidence to support and often avoid counter evidence. Those that practice being open to disagreeable beliefs and opinions will benefit themselves and the quality of their lives compared to those who block out or deny other perspectives. Learning is progress. Challenge everything.

When we feel like we are the victim we wake up daily looking for evidence to further support this story. It is merely a story. We humans love stories. They give us something to follow, to believe, to give meaning to our existence but why do we follow stories that are really of little benefit to the quality of the life we live?

It is easier to follow stories we know then create paths that are knew and unfamiliar despite our will or desires?

The opposite of a fixed mindset is a growth mindset. What is the opposite of a victim mentality? Carol Dweck would say that those with a growth mindset believe that their abilities can be developed, they love learning, thrive on challenge and failure is evidence not of limitation but opportunity for growth, progress and success.

Holding a victim mentality is not conducive to living a successful life. A successful life is whatever the individual defines it as. A growth mindset will be beneficial to living towards the success you desire.

If you believe that everyone and everything is out to limit your success and your ability to create and live a great life – you will continue to find evidence to support this belief. If you want to change this belief, if you wish to reverse the victim mentality mindset – challenge yourself to seek counter evidence.

When we are mindful of this and begin to notice when and how we are the source of our limitations, disadvantage and unhappiness we can begin to also notice the opportunity to succeed. Start approaching life with the belief that everyone wants you to succeed. See the change that begins to occur.

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Further Reading and Resources 

TED Talks: Ideas worth spreading

Psychology Today: Psychology Today is devoted exclusively to everybody’s favourite subject – Ourselves

Life Hack: Tips for Life

Elite Daily: The Voice of Generation Y

Four Hour Work Week: How to escape the 9-5, live anywhere and join the new rich.

The Minimalists: How to pursue a minimalist lifestyle and be happier.

Mind Hacks: Tips and Tricks for Using Your Brain

The Art of Charm: Build confidence, feel comfortable and networking differently.

American Psychological Association: The largest scientific and professional organization of psychologists in the United State

The Art of Manliness: Encouraging men to be better husbands, fathers, brothers, citizens.

Tiny Buddha: Simple wisdom for complex lives.

Brain Pickings: An inventory of cross-disciplinary interestingness, spanning art, science, design, history, philosophy, and more.

Mind Body Green: Lifestyle media brand dedicated to inspiring you to live your best life.

Zen Habits: Find simplicity and mindfulness in life.

Creative NonFiction: “true stories well told.” 

Addicted 2 Success: Motivation & Inspiration Website full of quotes and inspiring articles for entrepreneurs.

Barking Up the Wrong Tree: science-based answers and expert insight on how to be awesome at life.

The Positivity Blog: Practical articles on happiness, self-esteem, productivity and social skills.

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