What advice would you give your 20-year-old Self?
Written and narrated by Leigh Martinuzzi
“Wise men don’t need advice. Fools won’t take it.” Benjamin Franklin
A question that I ask all guests that I interview on The Hidden Why podcast is what advice they would give there 20-year-old self. It was one that I heard other interviewers asking and found the answers intriguing, naturally, I decided to include on my question list.
What advice would you give your 20-year-old self?
As we age, I believe we all grow a little or maybe even a lot wiser. Wisdom is knowledge combined and applied with experience. As the years pass our priorities will change however in our twenties, I’d suggest that most of us are ignorant of this. When I was twenty, I was a little more reluctant to take advice. Driven by my ego and fuelled by testosterone yet challenged by the uncertainty of what to expect from life. I wouldn’t take much advice nor listen to my own advice – I was chasing life as it came.
I am vague as to what advice I’d give my 20-year-old self. I suppose I’d focus on the areas I have some level of regret around. Here are a few bits of advice that immediately come to mind. Don’t smoke. Relax and stop taking yourself too seriously. Be more patient. Push through boredom and stick with things for a little longer, the grass isn’t always greener. Have fun but think about your health. Read more, listen more, learn more. Love will come. Stop foreboding the joy and rushing through life in chase of something you may not want. Life isn’t all about money. Love, relationships and compassion matter.
I suppose I am a little wiser to what is truly important in life. At twenty I thought it was all about career success, sex and rock ‘n’ roll. For many of us, this is the natural progression in life. We have ego’s to please, status to create, lessons to learn and partying to do. Everything needs to happen today. Nothing can wait. We frantically rush forward missing out on many of the beautiful moments along the way. Most of my twenties seem like a blur.
I know this isn’t the case for everyone, but this is my story and I am sure many others can relate. You may have been driven by love, by education, career, money or TV. For those academics among us, you may wish to tell your younger self to party a little more and enjoy those younger years. Others might tell themselves to travel. The advice we may wish to share with our younger self may be formed out of regret. Those things that in later life we begin to appreciate more.
At 37, I am becoming more focused on health and family. Shit changes when you have kids. I am still driven to create my success in life and make some money, but I am also more conscious of my Why. I wish to do things out of selflessness instead of selfishness. Don’t mistake me, I am still selfish but it’s no longer the majority of what drives me. I am driven to have a positive impact in the lives of my family, friends and others. A realisation that relationships in life are critical to my happiness, longevity and overall well-being.
I created the Ultimate Life Map partly to highlight key life principles that I found as I’ve aged to be essential and enhancing to our freedom, fulfilment and happiness in life. These are health, growth, relationships, expression, significance and contribution. I would tell myself to cultivate healthy behaviours within the areas of health, growth and relationships. I would strive to find activities that would allow me to creatively express myself, to find work and purpose that give me a sense of significance, and the ability to contribute in a positive way in life. All these elements directly influence the quality of each other.
These are the things that matter more to me now than when I was 20. In reality, it is kind of selfish in intent but only because it nourishes what matters most first. We have to take care of ourselves before we can provide true and significant value to others and the rest of the world. When we do that, we enhance our happiness while at the same time enhancing the happiness of others around us.
“Deep happiness is an everlasting state of peace and satisfaction found within every moment regardless of its pleasure or pain, richness or poorness.” Leigh Martinuzzi
I want to summarise by giving some closing advice and a call to action. Whether you are 22, 37 or 65 I truly believe that this is a question we could ask at any time and reflect upon. I feel that the benefits are to help wake us up to what is most important in our lives and to avoid any further regret. I hate the idea of having regret and to be honest I don’t really regret the past – it is what makes me who I am today. It is what makes us all who we are. Life experience builds character.
Regret or no regret, in hindsight, I do feel that if I modelled a few different behaviours and listened to more advice perhaps I would have alleviated some suffering I’ve experienced to date. My goal is to inspire, educate and assist others to do the same and create and live their life with greater joy. So, I ask you now to spend some time to contemplate this – What advice would you give your 20-year-old self?
“Long ago, I realized that success leaves clues, and that people who produce outstanding results do specific things to create those results. I believed that if I precisely duplicated the actions of others, I could reproduce the same quality of results that they had.” — Tony Robbins
Further Reading and Resources
TED Talks: Ideas worth spreading
Elite Daily: The Voice of Generation Y
Four Hour Work Week: How to escape the 9-5, live anywhere and join the new rich.
The Minimalists: How to pursue a minimalist lifestyle and be happier.
Mind Hacks: Tips and Tricks for Using Your Brain
Rich Roll: Plantpowered Wellness Advocate
The Art of Charm: Build confidence, feel comfortable and networking differently.
The Art of Manliness: Encouraging men to be better husbands, fathers, brothers, citizens.
Tiny Buddha: Simple wisdom for complex lives.
Mind Body Green: Lifestyle media brand dedicated to inspiring you to live your best life.
Zen Habits: Find simplicity and mindfulness in life.
Creative NonFiction: “true stories well told.”
Barking Up the Wrong Tree: science-based answers and expert insight on how to be awesome at life.
The Positivity Blog: Practical articles on happiness, self-esteem, productivity and social skills.
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