New Year Goals- The New Way (revised)
In this post, I am sharing an article I wrote a few years ago. It has been slightly edited but left as close to the original as possible. Having just read it I am fascinated by how my thoughts, beliefs and perspectives have changed. Nothing remains.
It is a representation of my thoughts three years back. In the end, I will write a short dot point summary to reflect my shifting perspectives, thoughts and feelings. Setting New Years Resolutions is a subject we can all relate to, so I hope by reading it you gain some value.
Here it is.
I have always been one to set new year’s resolutions. My mother still has archived New Year’s Resolution lists that I wrote years ago. So many unachieved goals. In reviewing these records, it’s startling how year after year the same goals appear. (more…)
What keeps you up at night? What gets you out of bed in the morning?
Working for various companies in the cooperate industry people used to proudly say to me that multiple aspects of the business kept them up at night. At the time, I found it kind of “wanky,” and now that I reflect on it, I still find it “wanky.”
1. Wanky (slang)- contemptible, worthless, or stupid.
Being kept up at night is not healthy. If you are someone who finds themselves up in the middle of the night or not being able to get to sleep easily, I wonder what aspects of your business or life are the cause. Are they justifiable? Are they important? And why? (more…)
The Credentials of Minimalism – Fact or Fiction?
The notion of living “minimally” seems to be trending in western culture across the globe. Is it a sign of the times? An indication that something is inherently imbalanced about the modern day lifestyles and consumeristic cultures we live.
I wonder, are we as a collective waking up to the unnecessary noise that like a disease is infecting our ability to live fully, freely and happily? Is minimalism sustainable? Is it a possible solution to much of our modern day dissatisfaction and depression? Or is it just another trend?
Like sheep in the herd are we just following the crowd? More information, more clutter, more distraction, more confusion, more consumerism. Just another way to mask our already insecure and dissatisfied lives. As we traverse this experience so far disconnected from our story, not knowing which way to turn, we cling to hope as the status quo clings to conformity. (more…)
The Ultimate Life Map – The Ultimate Leadership Tool
I have recently come across a Ted Talk and a book that has sparked my interest to writing this post. They were talks on leadership, motivation, and methods on how to produce the best results out of people as it relates to our occupations. However, leadership, motivation and how to reach our peak potential matter not only to the work we do but to the life we live and for that reason I believe these talks have valuable information for us all.
For a significant portion of our life, we all work, spending approximately a third of our day doing so. With the remaining time, we spend half of it sleeping, or we should, and the other half exploring the passions of life or trying to keep up with different demands. (more…)
Walking Alone (revised)
So here I am walking through the bush in Australia by myself. I’ve been walking for about an hour, maybe two, and I am blown away by just how fascinating this place is.
I am hiking through the Lamington national park just near the southern border of Queensland, Australia. The hike I am on is called Shipstone Circuit, a 21-kilometer circuit walk. I would say other than the length it’s a moderate walk but a beautiful one.
Breathtaking views, transcending falls and scenery that forever changes. Areas of dry, rugged bush and scrub, to the whispering voices of wise old red cedar gums. From forests of invasive Picabeen palms alluring bird life to the luminous mystery of wet sub-tropical rainforest. I am no ecologist, but it indeed is a diverse journey through this quite part of the world. (more…)
Change: Uncertainty and The Fear of Missing Out
“Find joy in everything you choose to do. Every job, relationship, home… it’s your responsibility to love it, or change it.” Chuck Palahniuk
I have decided to move on with my life. Life decisions are never easy. They bring on all kinds of feelings that can be uncomfortable and even unbearable. They all rise from the notion of change. And the bigger they are, the longer they can be drawn out.
“Progress is impossible without change, and those who cannot change their minds cannot change anything.” George Bernard Shaw
To Live is to Suffer – The Conditions We Create in Escape
“To live is to suffer, to survive is to find some meaning in the suffering.” Friedrich Nietzsche
In giving up the pleasures that I once sought, those activities that consumed me, that caused me both pleasure and displeasure, in attempt to escape my perception of Self-suffering I ask myself, “has it helped?”
Buddha said, “Life is suffering.” It is however often misinterpreted. I am not here today to try to explain this misunderstanding. What I wish to do is share a quick thought on why there will always be an underlying sense of suffering in life.
Everything is changing, and nothing is permanent. Impermanence is suffering. Trying to hold on to all that is in constant flux leads to suffering, but we all continue to try hold on. (more…)
Passions – The Pursuit of Purpose Through Deliberate Practice
There is no doubt in my mind that pursuing our passions makes life great. Passion breeds purpose. It defines an internal motivation that pushes one into action and removes the unnecessary from our lives.
Every day we are all confronted with thoughts of passion. Things we wish to pursue that spark our curiosity and interest. Ideas of doing what we love. Weaving our hearts deepest desires into our daily lives make us dream and dreaming feels good! It is the source to enhance the flavors of an otherwise bland life.
We are all passionate about various things. Passions that have lived from the time we were toddlers that have since woven into the fabric of our personality and character. Some for which we still regularly pursue and shine a light on them. Others and kept glowing and like oxygen to a flame only illuminate when we choose to bring breath to them. (more…)
Work with People You Want to Work With – Thoughts From A Real Estate Agents Perspective
I have spent much energy and time by trying to please everyone, trying to be accepted, trying to be liked but realized I had to change my ways. I began eliminated those I didn’t want to work with, play with, be with, progress with, achieve with and love. It’s an elimination tactic that helps you thrive. Here’s why.
“When you please others in hopes of being accepted, you lose your self-worth in the process.” Dave Pelzer
As a real estate agent, I had to deal with people every day. A big part of my job was to ask people for their business, to select me as their agent to sell their house.
My goal, obviously, to make a living for myself. However, I wanted to do the very best job I could. Provide excellent service through open, transparent and honest communication so we could work together to get the very best price for their property in the shortest possible time frame.
Why be in service to others or do anything for that matter that lacks pure intent, good ethics and morals and is only one-sided?
I believe most agents start out with this authentic approach to sales but as they become conditioned they forget why they are in the industry in the first place. They become desperate. Tell lies. Create false hope. Set high expectations they cannot meet. And lose touch with their own core values. It becomes more about the transaction and less about the value of the relationship. In part, it happened to me.
Looking over the busiest six months of my real estate career I noticed a pattern. I had a high amount of sales for that period but an equal amount of properties that didn’t sell. They either withdrew their home from sale, signed up with another agent or sat, without any motivation or effort, on the market with me.
In assessing why this is what I discovered. At that time the market was quite competitive, and in being so, I did what I could to get a listing. I choose to work with anyone rather than choosing who I wanted to work with based on my values and listing criteria. I opened the doors to try and please everyone.
I listed people who had no motivation to sell. Individuals who didn’t want to commit financially. Couples who didn’t like me but went with me because I could list them for free. If they wanted an unreasonable price, I’d agree. I aimed to please and did whatever it took to try to do so. This strategy doesn’t work.
The additional time and energy that went into keeping up these charades were wasteful. On top of that, it added more stress and pressure to my already busy life.
It helped me list more because I had more properties on the market than most other agents in the area at the time but it also meant I was listing more people that weren’t my ideal clients.
What I noticed is that for those properties that didn’t sell over that six-month period were those which belonged to the people who ordinarily I wouldn’t want to list or work for in the sale of their home.
I put half my time and energy into trying to please these people who, no matter how hard I tried, I found I just couldn’t please. Probably more than half, because those that wanted to work with me trusted me to do my job and required less time, energy and effort.
The “haters” were quick to find fault and blame in my methods.
Partly it was because my approach wasn’t honest and partly because I had to be someone who I wasn’t to get their business in the first place. Also, because these vendors had unrealistic expectations that I didn’t manage correctly.
It is challenging to try to make someone like you, understand your approach and methodology when from the onset they didn’t like it. It’s not that they didn’t appreciate me personally but rather what I had to offer. You end up adjusting your style in attempt to try fit their needs and desires. It’s is a recipe for disaster.
There are only a few reasons in my opinion why a property won’t sell. The owner’s expectations are too high, and they don’t wish to meet the market price or that person selling the house doesn’t know how to attract buyers to view the property. If buyers see a house, they like they will buy it or at the very least make an offer. If both parties can agree on a fair price it’s a deal.
Half those properties I listed I knew were probably not going to sell. The reason being that they were either hoping to win the lottery (unrealistic price expectations) or because they didn’t want to invest financially in the marketing of their property. A lack of investment impacts my ability to attract potential buyers, by using advanced marketing techniques, but also indicates a lack of commitment on the seller’s behalf.
Seller’s that are not willing to commit or put skin in the game are less motivated to put in the effort required to present a home for sale. They are likely less motivated to sell and unknowingly become time wasters of both their time, the agents and the buyers. As agents we are also to blame because we create false promises or hope just to gain a listing. Sometimes, with all integrity, we simply just get it wrong.
A long winded story I know. The lesson is that if I stuck to my values and listed only those people who wanted to work with me according to my rules and who I also wanted to work with in return, I would have been better off. The clients would have been better off.
Yes, some properties may still not sell because as an agent we cannot always get the property value right and some sellers just aren’t as motivated as others, but with these, as an exception, I still would have saved myself many headaches with those I listed which I shouldn’t have.
Don’t become a ‘yes’ man. What’s that? Someone who aims to please everyone by saying yes regardless of whether it is integral to your beliefs or values.
We say ‘yes’ because we fear rejection. We say ‘yes’ because we are desperate. We say ‘yes’ because we don’t want to hurt someone’s feelings. Saying ‘yes’ to all external demands beyond your best judgment or will remove you from being aligned with your best Self and as a result will affect your Self-worth.
When dealing with people who we don’t want to work with or those who don’t really want to work with us, we spend time and energy in trying to influence them to our ways. They do the same. If we never saw eye-to-eye in the first place why did we begin the relationship? How did we think it was going to work. We are both at fault.
We can infuence others perspectives about many things in this world but we can not change anothers desires.
To improve my results, I adopted the 80/20 rule. This rule explains that 80% of my results come from 20% of my activity and 20% of my results from 80% of my activities. If I was going to improve my results I was going to need to do less of the 80% that was giving me very little return – like working with those customers I didn’t want to work for.
Essentially, when you are not being yourself and acting aligned with your values and beliefs you spend most of your time in activities that produce very little of the results you desire. As an agent, this is what I was doing, spending all my time trying to please people who were unpleasable when I could have better spent it pleasing those that wanted to work with me.
Shift your focus. Stop trying so hard to fit in and be someone you are not. Not everyone has to be your friend. Not everyone has to do business with you. You don’t have to try please everyone by being someone you’re not.
Who cares what shoes I wear or clothes I buy. Who cares if others find offense in my thoughts. Who cares if the way I conduct myself or live my life isn’t pleasing to everyone else. This is me! This is what I do! This is who I am!
If we can see this and stop focusing all our attention and efforts on pleasing others and rather use this time doing what we love, operating how we wish to be only then will the results we desire start rolling in.
We upset people more when we try to be or promise something that we cannot deliver on. We cause ourselves more unease and dissatisfaction in this approach. It’s better to leave it alone and avoid a situation that isn’t integral to our core values. People won’t notice it, nor will they care. People are more receptive to those who are as they are.
My final thoughts.
Do work you love and do it with people you respect and those who respect you.
Work with those who are as excited and as passionate as you are.
Don’t try fit in for the sake of fitting in. Quality relationships are a fundamental human need, but they won’t grow into quality relations if you cannot be yourself.
You will be more productive and produce greater results in both business and in life when you be congruent to your values.
Effectiveness in life comes from being purposeful. There is very little purpose in trying to please everyone or being someone who you are not.
“The only way to do great work is to do the work you love.” Steve Jobs
“I say what I want to say and do what I want to do. There is no in between. People will either love you for it or hate you for it.” Eminem
“You can please some of the people some of the time all of the people some of the time some of the people all of the time, but you can never please all of the people all of the time.” Abraham Lincoln
Further Reading and Resources
A Thought on not Drinking
“Drinking is an emotional thing. It joggles you out of the standardism of everyday life, out of everything being the same. It yanks you out of your body and your mind and throws you against the wall. I have the feeling that drinking is a form of suicide where you’re allowed to return to life and begin all over the next day. It’s like killing yourself, and then you’re reborn. I guess I’ve lived about ten or fifteen thousand lives now.” Charles Bukowski
I often feel like I am trying to offer others suggestions on how to live life more correctly. Honestly, that is not my wish even though some people have told me at times I comes across that way. My sincere intention is that through reflection and introspection I can share different perspectives that challenge the way others think and inspire people to create healthy lifestyles. (more…)